I'm Loving it!

I'm sitting here at my new wonderful job, trying not to get caught on the internet. But i love it so much, that i have to write about it! I don't have anyone else to tell! I love all the bosses and co workers, the pay, the area, the hard work, everything! It's so perfect! Except for the fact that I don't get as much time with my daughter, but I am working for her, and her future. I don't care how many long agonizing bus rides I have to take, It's all for her.

I have a nice little "office", and a great new computer. I'm so damn tired though! I get up every morning at 5a, get my daughter ready for daycare, get myself ready, drop her off at daycare, then drive to the park n ride and takke the hour long bus ride downtown. It's okay though. Cause I love my job!

Anyways... Things between Jason and I are still a bit sour. I talked to him last night after work, and all of a sudden he doesn't know what he wants from me or our relationship. I really am (as he states) getting too old for this shit! I think he may be afraid of commitment.

My Baby!

Well, even though I'm off work today, my daughter started daycare. It's so dramatic!
No matter how well you prepare yourself, and your child, it's always heartbreaking. She started screaming and crying. It's only been 20 minutes, but I miss her so much already! If it were up to me, I'd stay home with her, but I can't. I have to work for her. I can't wait to go back to work tomorrow. It's just going to be a pain in the ass to get there!
I have decided to take the bus to work. I have to drop off my daughter at daycare, then go and park at the park n ride, then hop on the bus downtown. So instead of waking up at 6:30, I have to wake up at 5:30. It's going to suck major ass!
And the worst part about all of this, is that I'm running out of money, and fast. I have about $20 to my name. By some miracle, this has to pay for bus passes and gas for two weeks or so. Plus I have to buy Pull-Ups for my daughter. So I have no clue how this is going to work out!
Even though I'll be busy as hell with work, I'm going to try to post as often as possible. Wish me luck!

Here I go again on my own

Well, yesterday was the first day of my new job! I absolutely love it! The only bad thing about it is the parking! It costs about $400 a month! So I searched around for a better dedal with no luck. I have decided to tfake the bus.
No offense to anyone but I DREAD taking the bus again. I don't like to be around people that much. And I also familiarize the bus with one of my psycho ex-boyfriends. So it scares the shit out of me! But it's going to save me a ton of money in gas and parking, so what the hell, I'll give it a shot.

Like magic my boyfriend immediately began to be nice and kind and sweet to me again when he found out I got the "better paying" job. I swear sometime.. If my daughter wasn't so attached, and I didn't love him so damn much, I'd leave him in a heartbeat.

On a much more depressing note... One of our pet chinchillas, (who was attacked by the other chins the night we brought her home) who we have been fighting for to save her with surgeries, medicine, and lots of love, finally gave up last night.
We took her to an appointment to get her stiches finally removed, she was doing good. Except there were problems. Her skin was not growing back properly, so they had to take off some of the scabs to let them regrow. When they took the stiches out, she had large, painful open wounds.

She was fine when we left the animal hospital. But when we brought her home, and gave her the medications, she went into shock. I had to rush her all the way back. She was unresponsive, and struggling to breathe. This poor little chinchilla had fought so damn hard for her life. We had been there the whole time, and had done more for her than most would. Thousands of dollars, and countless hours nursing her back to health were all gone now. My boyfriend decided to not let her suffer any more, she was going downhill fast. He decided to have her euthanized.

It was a very tough decision for him to make. He loves animals, and this was the sweetest one of them all. I have never, ever seen anyone cry that much. He could not stand to be there while the put her to sleep. But I had to. For myself, and more importantly, for her. Even though it was all over in a matter of seconds, I stayed there with her for over an hour. I cannot believe she is gone. I miss her so very much.

This blog is hereon dedicated to
Muffy
12-11-2004 to 2-10-2006
We love you sweety!

Dr. Jekyl, Mr. Hyde

I went to another call back interview today- with the Mayor’s Office of Information Technology! Both interviews went so well! The bosses were very nice and professional too! It’s located downtown in this huge office building. Really good money! I am supposed to know in 48 hours or less if I got the position. I am so excited! This seems like the perfect job! So everyone wish me luck and I’ll keep you updated!

On a more serious note... My boyfriend and I got into a huge fight about how he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me or not, he doesn’t know if he loves me or not.. And it all stems from me not having any money! He is actually more concerned about money than love! I just cannot believe this sweet man I love has turned into such a monster. And he doesn’t care that I’m working my ass off to find a job! I am so pissed right now, I can’t even describe it! He keeps saying that I have nothing to bring to the relationship. He won’t even say “I love you” to me. I’m hoping that I get this really nice job, and everything will go back to normal.

But besides all that.. How dare he talk to me that way! Saying that I’m not worth anything, and that I should go make minimum wage at McDonalds or something! That I have no experience, nothing under my belt! I never, ever would say anything like that to him! When he was unemployed for four months not once did I say anything remotely rude. He lived off his damn rich parents, and that’s the only way he was able to pay his bills! He is turning into the kind of person who never admits he is wrong, and absolutely never says he’s sorry. I cannot stand this new person. I just wish I knew what the hell is deep down inside of him, making him say these things. Because he’s definitely not the person I fell in love with.

Lemon Law Comments

Okay...People have been posting comments thanking me for talking about The Lemon Law (cars). And to be quite honest, I have no freaking clue what they are talking about! I keep trying to think back to old posts.. Is it because I worked for True Lemon? What doesn't make any sense is that they thank me for the good advice! Now I'm thinking to myself, what do I sleep walk? Do I write a legal advice column while sleeping? Any of you out there, feel free to enlighten me!

GREAT NEWS! I FINALLY got a job offer! With this emergency answering service!!!! I'm so excited and soooo happy! BUT.. I've been waiting for the boss to call me, I still don't know how much per hour. And I don't mean to be greedy, but I cannot afford to take anything under $12.00 per hour! So hope for me, pray for me, do something! I also have a second interview with a really nice architectual firm today! So wish me luck!

Aaaarrrrggggghhhh!

I am so mad right now that I cannot contain myself! So I must write about it!
Last night my boyfriend took his laptop back to his house, so his mother could use it. I had to go pick it back up this morning so I could continue my search for a job.
Then, as I went to go onto monster.com, I noticed all the damn porno sites!

Now, even though I am a crazy ass bitch sometimes, that is open to just about everything.. In my relationships I am VERY old fashioned. I believe that looking at porno is cheating on me. And my boyfriend KNOWS this! We have had this argument a few times before, and each time he says it won't happen again.

Now I sit here ranting and raving to all of you. I even try to brainwash myself to think that it is all nothing, he's not physically cheating on me with another woman, he's just looking. But I cannot accept this. It's like "What are my boobs not big enough"? "Am I too blonde or something"? It drives me mad!

I know all you men out there (no offense) are thinking I'm nuts right now, but the fact is that I cannot help it to think and feel this way. And to be quite honest, I'm not the only woman that feels this way! Why do you think men hide their playboys?
It's because of the MILLIONS of women who feel such as I do.

I also need the help from all of you, if anyone is even out there reading. See I've had enough of this BS! I love him dearly, but to me this is cheating! I want to stay with him, my daughter even calls him daddy. I dream, and I can see us being married. But I need advice, I don't have anyone to turn to. So please SEND IN YOUR COMMENTS. I need all the help I can get!

Looking up on Life

My demeanor is starting to change again.
I had two great interviews yesterday. One at 10 am with the nicest company and people I have ever interviewed with. And the other at 1pm with an upscale staffing agency.
I'm hoping I get the job, the one at 10am. It was so perfect! I cannot even describe it!
Anyways.. I have another interview today at 1pm. This sounds promising too. Working with animals, and in the office! I am constantly online searching and applying for job. So much so, that it has become a job in itself. I wake up early, get my coffee, smoke my ciggerette, and log on.
Hopefully something will come through for me.
Crunch time is over, to only begin again. I decided to renew my lease for another year (Meaning if I cannot get another job, they'll evict us then sue me for the rest of the year's rent). Because of my recent credit mishaps, I had no other choice. So I'm hoping and praying that something comes through. It's hard to look for two jobs at once, it really is. I'll be lucky if I can even get one!