And The Beat Goes On

Hi everyone!!
I don't know if anyone still patiently reads, and awaits my next post. Thanks for staying around!

I feel like there is nothing out there for me! I cannot picture myself working. It just doesn't come to me. I've been searching every day for something, anything!!!
Faxing my resume, looking in the paper!
I already owe thousands of dollars to all the credit people!! Yuch!!!!

It's really scarey as hell not knowing what I'm going to do. My credit is so fucked up!! 3 months ago I had overly perfect credit, and now, for the next ten years, I'm screwed!!!!

I've almost run out of options. I hate this so damn much!

I hope everyone is doing well!
Will keep you posted!

I Have Missed You All So Dearly

HELLO!!!
I have missed blogging, and hearing you all!
Thanks to Jimmy for doing a visitor post!
See everyone this is the first time since I was fired from the lemon stand on the sixth.
It sucks big time being unemployed. To make a long story short, They hated my guts, even when I would bust my ass for them every day, and come in at 7am and not get paid for the extra hour worked!! ASSHOLES...

I also just got fired last night from the restaraunt.

So everything is GRIM to say the least!
I miss the restaraunt, and most people there. I miss Jimmy, and seeing his smiling face!
As he said, Pride 2005 was nice, while it lasted... Hopefully my boyfriend will realize that it's a HUGE part of my life! And so are my friends, which I LOVE to support in any way I can!

I have no clue how I'm going to pay my bills, what so ever. Very depressing.
I'm greatful to be getting my $200 a week from unemployment, but it's not much.

Hope everyone is doing better than me! I will keep in touch! Will keep posting! PROMISE!

What There Was Of It Was Fun

I got to see part of the Gay Pride thingie with Jimmy.
We met at his house and then drove over to Mount Vernon where the block party was.
Jimmy is so much fun. We were singing along to Gwen Stafani (that he insisted I put on the stereo) as we drove there.

Thank God Jimmy was with me, because his husband was driving the other car and he was turning without using turn signals and weaving in and out of traffic. I don't know the city that well.
To be truthful, I don't know it much at all, and I'm not that good with directions, anyway!
Jimmy was there so I wouldn't get lost.

Anyway, I got to see the high heel race, but just as the parade was about to start the boyfriend called my cellie. He was off work and wanted to see me.
Damn! I thought I'd have more time!
Plus my daughter was cranky and wanted to go home, and needed her diaper changed.

I told Jimmy I was sorry, that I had to go, and he was nice enough to walk me to my car.

Next year, definitely, Jimmy!

I missed out on the festival the next day, too. The boyfriend monopolized me the entire day.
I love him and all, but why can't he understand that going to Pride was important to me?

Life is rough at this point.
They let me go at the Lemon Stand. No notice or anything.
I'm picking up more hours at the restaurant, but I'm still kind of concerned about money.

One bad thing is that the Lemon Stand was where I did my blogging -- I don't have a computer at home!

For a little while anyway posting to the blog will be sporadic. I'll be trying to post whenever I can from the boyfriend's laptop and possibly at the Public Library.
It sucks, but what else can I do?

I'll write when I can and keep you posted!

-- Love, Blondie

Oh so tired!

I am so tired of being broke! I hate it!

It's like this pain, way deep down, that never faulters. You think about it constantly, It drives you mad!

I hate having to worry about how I will feed my family!

I hate not being able to pay my bills!

Right now I hate being me.

Boyfriend finally saw this weekend what I meant when I said things will get rough for us/me. He stayed the weekend again. To put it lightly, he had to buy all of us lunch and dinner.
But at least he finally "gave me his blessing" on becoming an exotic dancer.
Which I know he has a BIG problem with.
But he also said that he now realizes why I would do it, and why I need to. And he doesn't want to see us suffer anymore.

Don't know what to do about it. Have no clue.

Gay Pride 2005

On June 18 and 19, Baltimore is hosting one of the greatest festivals! Gay Pride 2005! Even though I am not apart of the Gay/Lesbian Community, and I've never been to the festival myself, I have heard great reviews and comments about Pride.

I know for a fact that this community is one of the most loving, welcoming groups of all. My best friend Jimmy and his hubby are going, so hopefully my boyfriend will want to come with!

RuPaul will be there!!! ( I LOVE HER)! Anyways.. If you are in or around Baltimre, I highly suggest you come on down, and support the community, and the city! You'll have lots of fun! I promise!

Wish me luck! ( On asking boyfriend)

Later Toots!
Blondie

Where Is The Love?

Has everyone heard about that boy in Ohio, who hours before his High School graduation, decided to kill his Mother, Sister, Grandparents, and 2 friends?
And then end his own life?

I just cannot believe this child did this! It's almost like he was being controlled by some unnatural force.
His famiy's farm was doing better, he was graduating, he had a whole life ahead of him. He was also described as a great student, a nice kid by all his teachers.

Which leads me to wonder even more about the world today, and what we all do to eachother.

Suicide bombers, rapists, murderers, terrorists, and even the common criminals.
They have just become apart of our every day lives. We all here news of some awful slaying, or other act daily.And we have all grown accustomed to it.

I'm just wondering if it will ever get better, or worse.

It's scary to think of the escalating violence, and trying to raise my Daughter in this type of world. What will this world be like in 5 years? 10 years, or 20 years?
And to think that back before the 70's, common crimes were almost unheard of, very few and far between.


Is there any way we can change it? Help it? Do something!

I'm hoping that maybe many people will read this. I don't know why, beacuse I feel there is almost no use to try and change it all for the better.

People also have to come to realize that there is no such thing as world peace, but that we only have one world, and we have to stop the violence.

I'm Bored

Lately I'm bored with almost everything. Bored of working, bored of the actual jobs, etc. I wish I could find a job that I'm happy with, and get paid the money I deserve!
It's almost like this will never happen. Like I will never make enough money to make ends meet. It sucks, and I'm frankly tired of not being able to pay my bills!

I just have no clue what to do about it!

In Stranger News:

I applied at The Dept. Of Homeland Security yesterday, to be an analistg, or a researcher, etc. I know it's a fat chance, but hopefully with my family's strong military/government backround I'll get lucky.