Wanna take a look?

I found out something incredibly awful yesterday, about my friend Jimmy.
I couldn't believe it when I read his post.
And still I am deathly afraid to contact him.
See for too long I have distanced myself from the people I love.
I'm afraid that my current circumstances will bring them all down,
AND I'm so embarresed.

I hate having to deal with this shit. I love them all so very much, but I just can't bring myself to do anything. I hate myself for this.
Because every day that goes by, it gets more and more akward. People grow apart.
People change.
I'm afraid they may hate me, pity me.
I am some kind of freak now.
And you'll never see me the same.
I miss the old me.
I feel I've lost my soul, my personality, everything I used to know and love about myself.