Looking Back and Moving Forward

Well, I have decided to make a huge step, and hopefully it is toward the right direction.

I am doing something I have never ever conceived of doing before. I am going to give M the link to my blog. And I am scared out of my mind.

There is so much history here, so much stuff that I have been through. It's weird that I am able to tell all of you, perfect strangers, all of my dirty little thoughts and secrets. But the man that I love and care for deeply, I have such a hard time sharing this all with him.

He keeps reassurring me that he will not stop loving me, or get mad, or hate me for things that are in this blog. And I know it would mean a great deal to him. Maybe it will be an easier way for him to get a glimpse of what my life has been like. Because at home, there are certain things that I still cannot talk about.

Here's my little secret to all of you:

In the real world, I am quite shy, and considered to be a prude.

I don't speak to people unless spoken to. And then it is even hard to look people in the eye.

It's so very different from what is here, what is inside of me. There are some things, of course, that have been made "more likable". And then there are the things that are frightfully true.

So, wish me luck, for I am going to need it! I love this man, and I feel it is time to invit him in.